Summer by the Sea Page 17

  But a funny thing happened. Sarah watched five different videos and still couldn’t concentrate. She kept checking her messages and received...nothing in reply.

  Worse, the painted rock on her coffee table made her think of Lucy. And the more Sarah thought of her, the guiltier she felt. Sending the photo like that had made her feel like she was using the girl’s friendship for her own ends. In the beginning, it had been easy for Sarah to use the mentorship to get what she wanted from Richard. Now, guilt was involved. She’d developed a real friendship with Lucy and Sam, and to treat them with her customary tunnel vision toward her own ambitious ends just didn’t feel right.

  Becker padded into her living room in his particular, cat-prowling way. When he saw Sarah sitting on his couch, he jumped into her lap, turned around a few times, snuggled in and began to purr.

  Even the cat seemed to be bonding with her. A lump formed in Sarah’s throat. These were Cassandra’s cats—they certainly weren’t hers. She didn’t feed them or change their litterboxes. But she hadn’t tossed them out or otherwise been mean to them. She was silent company. She’d brought them Lucy to care for them.

  And Becker was thanking her for it.

  She closed her eyes. Sam had given her a wonderful gift—his daughter—plus a party that made her fortieth birthday not only not seem so bad, but fun. And she’d repaid him last night by disappearing on him.

  Guilt was a horrible feeling. Because the thing was, she was better than this. Her parents hadn’t brought her up to be this way. They’d instilled values of friendship and loyalty. After they’d died and she’d been abandoned and thrust amidst strangers, she’d been hurt and angry, and had turned her back on those qualities that had let her down. She’d turned self-focused and ambitious, and she’d done it for pure survival. But those days were past now, and her parents’ way was right. Maybe it had taken this place from her girlhood, and meeting a sweet girl and her dad to make her realize that.

  She took her phone and instead of dialing work, she dialed Sam. He might have his phone stashed in his backpack, but if he didn’t answer, she could leave him a message.

  He picked up on the second ring. “Sarah?” he said. There was urgency in his normally laconic voice.

  She swallowed. “I...was just thinking of you.”

  “Ditto here.” His voice softened.

  “Is Duke with you?”

  “Yeah. He’s looking the other way while I take a personal call.”

  She took a deep breath. “I know your brother’s family is with Lucy right now and that you’ll probably be busy with them tonight, but if I could just see you for a few minutes when you get off work, maybe we could meditate together. I...missed seeing you this morning.”

  She flinched at her own words. They sounded so stupid. She just felt so miserable and guilty.

  “Yeah,” he surprised her by saying. “I’m glad you called, Sarah. But unfortunately, I’ve got a kid here who needs first aid. He stepped on glass and has a cut on his foot. Can I call you back later? Will you be home this afternoon?”

  “Yes. Of course.” She laughed softly. “I’m in my cottage meditating with my cats.”

  She hung up, wondering why she’d said that. This was Cassandra’s cottage and these were Cassandra’s cats, and she was definitely, certainly not meditating.

  She turned off her phone and her laptop and went onto the deck, carrying Becker with her. It was low tide, and the horde of people enjoying the seashore was far enough away from her that maybe she could pretend they weren’t there. The ocean made a nice sound that she could even imagine covered their voices and holiday noisemaking. She could sit here and close her eyes, and just tune into the waves...

  * * *

  RETURNING HOME MID-AFTERNOON for his delayed lunch break, Sam saw Sarah sitting on Cassandra’s deck. He headed over, put down his knapsack, and immediately did a double take.

  Sarah was meditating. She hadn’t just been making that up when she’d called him earlier. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly, but she was sitting up in the blue chair and she was facing the ocean.

  He sat in the Adirondack chair across from her. It felt good to relax and chill out. He’d been assigned as a floater again today during the busy July Fourth vacation week, this time on medical emergency call, and it seemed that every kid within a mile’s radius was having an accident-prone morning. He’d bandaged more small cuts and scrapes than he could ever remember. Soothed more worried adults and sobbing kids than he ever hoped to see—or hear—again.

  Meow! Simmonds had leaped up on the table and stood an inch from Sam’s ear, howling at him loud enough to wake the dead.

  Both Sam and Sarah jumped up.

  “Oh!” Sarah said. “When did you get here, Sam?”

  “A few moments ago.” Sam paused. “You were meditating.”

  “No, I wasn’t.” She shook her head. “I was just resting my mind.”

  He smiled at her. “That’s exactly what meditating is, Sarah. Congratulations.”

  She shook her head. “No, I watched some videos this morning. I wasn’t chanting or counting breaths, which now that I think about it, is possibly what Richard does when he meditates.”

  “Well, that’s one technique, yes, but maybe it isn’t your technique.” She looked flummoxed, but it really wasn’t meditation he wanted to talk about right now. She’d left his party early without saying goodbye to him. That’s what he wanted the answer to. “Why did you call and ask to see me earlier? What’s going on?”

  She sighed, then looked at her hands. “I feel guilty, actually.”

  “That’s the last thing I want.”

  “I just ran off on you yesterday, Sam. I didn’t say good-night, or stay with you for the fireworks...”

  “Yeah. I was thinking over the last conversation we had, and I was wondering if it was because you asked me about my family, and I didn’t give you a straight answer.”

  She blinked at him. Had he misinterpreted her?

  “No,” she said. “It wasn’t that. I’m just...”

  “Be honest with me.”

  “Well, I thought leaving like that would make it easier to detach from you when I have to leave. I mean, leave Wallis Point. Isn’t...that what’s best for both of us, eventually?”

  He thought about that for a moment. Of course he knew she had to leave Wallis Point. But he didn’t want her to detach from him.

  Wow. For years, he’d been living under the assumption that if he let himself care about a person—really care—it would only bring him pain. In his experience, people always left. It had just seemed safer to him to keep a comfortable, laid-back emotional distance.

  But now, being with her and Lucy this summer...

  He pulled his chair closer to her. “You know, Sarah, two weeks ago I would have agreed with you wholeheartedly.”

  “But not now?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve missed a lot of Lucy’s life because of this way of thinking. Yes, opening yourself up to someone can bring pain when they leave. But if I don’t risk that...” He shook his head again. “I miss the good stuff, too.”

  “So...you don’t mind if I leave.”

  “It will hurt...yeah. I’d always thought it was my worst-case scenario, watching people leave, but...” He couldn’t think about that just yet. “All day I’ve been turning over what you asked me last night. Probably not a good idea when I’m bandaging kids’ cuts, but...” He smiled at her. “You asked about my family, and I really do want you to know.” He absently stroked Simmonds’s fur as he talked. “The thing, is, Sarah, I’m not close to either of my parents. I guess that when they sat my brother and me down and told us they were getting divorced, it was a huge shock. Or it was to me, anyway. My brother, Michael, is older, so maybe he was more clued in to what was going on than I was.” He stared at his hands. “I thought
, you know, like kids sometimes do, that if I just behaved better, then they would stay together. But it didn’t work.”

  “You were only a kid,” Sarah said.

  He smiled. “Yeah. A little hellion.”

  She smiled back. “I can perfectly see you.”

  He felt his smile fading. “The harder I tried, the worse I made it for myself.”

  “That must have been so confusing,” she said softly.

  He stared up at the cloudy sky. “They were fighting so much by that time, wrapped up in their resentment, that they lost all perspective.” He took a breath. “My brother and I had to choose which side we were on. Specifically, we each had to choose which parent we wanted to live with. I never did make the decision. I remember I threw up when they asked me. Michael convinced them to keep us together, and he made the choice. I just went along. We went with our mother, but things were never the same with our father. And she didn’t seem to care.”

  He put Simmonds down on the deck then glanced at Sarah, who was gazing intently at him. “The thing was, I still couldn’t choose. I stayed detached from my mom, too. I guess that’s what I do naturally.”

  “It’s horrible that your parents did that to you!”

  Sam nodded slowly. “Well, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was charged with caring for Lucy. I mean, I’ve always been charged with caring for Lucy, but having her every day is much, much different from when I see her every other Saturday afternoon. Then, it’s like a playdate. It’s not real life. This...everything that’s happened this summer, as messy as it is...it’s real. And I tried not to be too attached, at first. Because if you get attached to a person, it never ends well. Or, at least, that’s how I used to think.”

  He blew out a breath. “I’ve never told anyone this. None of this...what’s going on...it wouldn’t be happening without you. You’ve made the difference to us, Sarah.” He smiled at her. “So, even if you didn’t get to see Cassandra and find closure there, I hope Lucy and I will have been an okay consolation prize for the summer.”

  “You’re not a consolation prize.”

  Sarah reached for Sam’s face and framed it in her hands. Her heart was full to bursting. And, yes, there was guilt in her still—from the photo she’d sent to Gregory to the secrets she still kept—but she knew now that she did care for him, and that was okay. If he was willing to accept her leaving, then they would figure out the consequences together.

  She didn’t have to be on her guard against that any longer.

  She leaned over and kissed Sam on the lips. His skin was sun warmed beneath her fingertips, and his lips were rough from the sea. She wasn’t going to be able to give him up easily, but he was hers today. He’d told her and shown her the truth of who he really was, and he’d invited her in to share his family life.

  With a groan, Sam stood and embraced her. It had felt too hot to wear a bra beneath her T-shirt, so her breasts pressed against his bare, muscular chest in a way that instantly set her aflame. She curled her arms around his neck and reached for him as he leaned down to kiss her again.

  She could get used to kissing him. She hugged him more closely, feeling the hardness in his bathing trunks.

  “Come with me to my bedroom,” he said.

  To his bedroom! “Are you sure?” she asked, breaking from him. She could hardly believe what he’d asked. I’m forty! He’s not!

  He responded by threading his fingers with hers. “As sure as I’ve ever been.”

  Her heart was in her throat. This was not quite what she’d expected. “But, it’s the middle of the afternoon and you’re still on shift!”

  “Duke’s not going to page me. There’s a second floater arriving now to take my place.”

  “Duke knows you’re here?”

  “Not specifically. He thinks I’m on break, checking on Lucy and my brother’s family before I join them for dinner. But I got a message from Michael—he’s taking Lucy down to the go-karts with his two kids, and they just want to grab something fast. He told me he’ll catch up when he drops Lucy off later tonight. So it’s just you and me now.”

  He squeezed her hands. “Sarah, the summer is short. I know you have to leave eventually. I want to take advantage of what we have while we still can, because before we know it, it will be Labor Day.”

  “So...you’re accepting that I have to leave?” she asked, double-checking. “You’re really sure?”

  He nodded sadly. “It doesn’t mean we can’t be a couple now, though, for as long as you’re here.”

  “Well, I...” She paused, shaken to her core. It was true that she didn’t want to be just friends with him, that she wanted more. And it was also true that she planned to leave ASAP, much earlier than Sam thought. She hadn’t heard from Richard or Gregory yet, but it was early still...

  But Sam wasn’t letting her think through all the angles properly. He wasn’t letting her feel bad, either. He was a man of action. His fingers stroked up under her shirt, kneading at her bare skin.

  “Sam...”

  “Hmm?” His thumbs slipped to her sides and circled the edges of her bare breasts.

  “Oh, please don’t stop,” she murmured. She leaned her head back, enjoying the touch that she’d been craving from him for so long.

  And then her T-shirt was inched up and her belly exposed to the warm breeze, and his mouth and tongue, wet and sensual, scraped across her nipple through the thin cotton material. She gasped with the decadent pleasure of what he did to her.

  His kisses trailed up her neck and stopped beside her ear. “Let’s go inside,” he whispered. He nipped the edge of her lobe. “You can be in charge. Order me around all you want, or you let can let me please you as I see fit.”

  He stopped kissing and grinned wickedly at her. “Do you want to relax? To really relax? You won’t even need to meditate.” And then he kissed her deeply on the mouth, his fingers running through her hair, massaging her scalp, making her feel as if she wasn’t herself but somebody very special. A goddess of sea and sand.

  There wasn’t an agreement between them. She didn’t remember hearing any words, speaking any promises. Any remaining guilt over leaving him early just drifted away. Time seemed to skip ahead in a lovely pattern, as if she were drugged by the warm summer afternoon and the bliss of lovemaking. Soon they were tiptoeing through his empty house, up the back staircase in case Lucy had somehow magically appeared (she hadn’t), and then they were inside his bedroom.

  He locked the door behind him. She was thankful for this.

  He led her to his bed. She was thankful for this, also. The cool air-conditioning whispered across her sun-kissed, heated skin, and the crisp softness of cool sheets embraced her as she relaxed into his firm mattress. She had a quick glimpse of a sparse, bare, masculine room with a hardwood floor, white walls, shuttered windows. She hadn’t realized it, but there was a small balcony off his bedroom, with a lone cushioned chair outside. In the corner was a short hall leading to what she supposed was an en suite bathroom.

  He was an adult in a home of his own. He had a job. Standing in his community. She shouldn’t care that he was eight years younger than her. What did it matter if it didn’t matter to him? He offered her no-strings escapism. He’d said so himself.

  And besides, in the end...she would have control. Even if she ceded it now, for her own pleasure, she would be the one who left him. Not the other way around...

  He stripped off his shirt and then hers. He smiled, kissing each of her breasts in turn. She wasn’t a well-endowed woman, but what she had was feeling very good indeed. Stretching, she gave him better access. She would only be vulnerable if she acted vulnerable.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Sam murmured. His dark blue eyes gazed into hers so directly that she had to look away. Gently, he took her cheek and turned it to him. “Come here, Sarah.” He touched his tongue to her lips, opening
them. And heaven help her, her body responded. She didn’t want it to. She didn’t want to be at his mercy. “I wondered for so long what it would be like to kiss you like this.”

  He’d taken off her shorts. He stroked her thighs so easily, so absently, as a matter of course. And while she breathed heavily and concentrated on not caring about him, his rough fingers stroked her womanhood. He dominated her like the sea had dominated her that day when she’d been sucked up in the rip current.

  Only today, in his big bed, she enjoyed being carried away. His thumb had found the center of her, the secret hardness of her sex, and it was rhythmically stroking her, carrying her and tossing her about, as if she was floating on the cool, cold waves far out from shore. She felt exquisite shivers of pleasure and was dimly aware of calling out. But her sounds were swallowed up by his kisses. And then her back was arching, yearning for him to enter her. To take control.

  He did. His lifeguard trunks came off and he reached briefly beneath the bed, dragged out a small suitcase, and dug inside the pocket, finally sheathing himself with a condom. Good, safe, she thought. Because he wasn’t real. Sam would be gone once she woke up from this dream and reasserted herself in her life. But for now...

  “Please,” she sighed, tugging his cool-as-the-ocean hips toward her.

  “In a moment, Sarah.” He kissed her gently. And the laid-back devil teased her some more with his thumb on her body. Oh, she couldn’t stop the pleasure waves. She cried, mewling noises, happy noises. And only then did he enter her, filling her and touching her deeply, pleasuring a whole new set of other, deeper nerve endings.

  With each stroke into her, she floated over another wave, and another, crying out in joy at each one. She didn’t want it to end. If this was forty, then forty was fantastic, and if all younger guys were like this, then they were the only men she would ever date from now until the end of her life.

  But it didn’t end yet. He brought her higher and higher, with patience, with, yes—with love, with gentle teasing and slight laughter, until rockets exploded. And it still did not stop.